I am the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess
I’m at the age where…well…there’s no other way of putting it…my friends are dropping like flies. Yeah…I mean DYING. Cancer, mainly. And anybody around my age that’s dying??!! Is just WRONG.
Last week I found out my friend is battling cancer for the second time…and I’m gobsmacked. Last time she was given a bill of clean health. This time it sounds bad. It’s spread to her liver and lungs now. And to me that’s just bad, bad, news, and doctors have given her one year to live. Of course she’s fighting like the Ukrainian rebel she is…and I hope?! REALLY HOPE?!! SHE WINS.
And to be honest? Why I am telling you all this? Well, we had our daughters just a few months apart. So, her daughter? Is the same as age as Marky. And that fact? MAKES ME REALLY SAD. REALLY. SAD.
To imagine not experiencing the rest of my Marky’s life? Her graduating college? Getting a job? Getting married maybe? Being one of the few, YET talented females to FIGHT to get her cartoon idea into a a show on TV? Or FILM even? I can’t. I WON’T. I just WON’T.
I’m not blogging about this because I’m scared of dying. I’m at peace with that. I’m not scared of dying. I’m a Ukrainian Orthodox for cripes sake, so my beliefs tell me I’m gonna end up explaining to my mama up in heaven why I didn’t do…you know what? I’m pretty sure my mama is cool with my life, now that I really think about it. Because she was pretty cool for a lady who went through so MUCH crap in her life. But I AM scared of not seeing my daughter become who I KNOW she’ll become. And that, makes me so sad for my friend…I’m sure she’d LOVE to be able to see her daughter become whomever she was meant to be too. And she should be ABLE TO. It shouldn’t be a question. It should be MANDATORY.
Life. Is. Not. Fair. We all know this, sort of…until something really hits you close to home and you realize how true this stupid saying is.
What’s my point? I don’t really know anymore. I think I just needed to talk about it. Because there’s nothing that can be done, except of course…pray. And if you do pray, then by all means please, add my friend Noella in those nightly prayers of yours(yes, she was born on Christmas eve so that’s why she was named Noella). She’d appreciate it very much. As would I.
I think I just really wanted to say how much I love all of you. Really, I do. I’ve met so many AMAZING people through blogging. Some I’ve even REALLY met in person. PR people too HAHAHA! AND WE’VE HUGGED. Hugging is my ultimate connection to someone- I’m an actual Professional Hugger-I actually have a certificate somewhere in the mess that is my house. My brother and I? ALWAYS HUGGED. EVERYONE. And for some people, it was/is hard to accept that hug …but they grew/grow to LIKE it, accept it. My family HUGGED. Always did. And so, I continue to hug people I’ve met/meet.
You know why I hug? Why Huggers Hug? Because we want to keep you in our hearts.
But regardless of having met you in person or not-all of you are just so special to me. All of those whom I’ve talked to because of this silly blog. And, hugging in person is not always possible these days. WE’VE VIRTUALLY HUGGED THEN, HEY. And shared so many laughs! So many good friends I have through blogging! And you need to know, REALLY NEED TO KNOW- how special you are to everyone around you, and to me as well.
You. Are. Everything.